As told by “Monica,” written by Lauren Rose

From the outside, we looked like the perfect Christian family.

My husband and I met while serving in ministry. After we married, we continued serving together. We even provided marriage counseling to other couples. We had four beautiful children and appeared to be building a life centered around faith, marriage, parenting, and service to others.

And I desperately wanted the story everyone else saw to be the true story.

But there were cracks behind the perfect, godly exterior. Just six weeks after we said our vows—and only days after learning I was pregnant with our first child—my husband pushed me to the ground in a fit of rage.

He apologized. I forgave. I desperately wanted to believe it was a one-time mistake. 

So I prayed. I hoped. And I tried harder. 

I tried to become a better wife and a better Christian—to communicate better, submit more, forgive more, and keep our family together. When I felt afraid, unloved, or mistreated, I thought perhaps I simply needed to die to myself more.

I watched him preach the Gospel, feed the poor, and teach other men how to love their families, all while struggling to reconcile that man with the one I saw behind closed doors.

I didn’t yet understand that what I was experiencing wasn’t simply a troubled marriage.

It was abuse.

The Abuse Wasn’t Always Physical

Over the years, the abuse continued and escalated.

Sometimes it was physical. But some of the greatest harm happened when he never laid a hand on me.

There was coercive control, intimidation, spiritual manipulation, blame-shifting, financial control, fear, and emotional wearing down.

Because it was wrapped in Christian language—ministry, covenant, forgiveness, submission, sacrifice—it was incredibly difficult for me to understand what was happening.

When I began telling people, some responses only deepened my confusion. After trying to share how bad things were, 

I was given The Power of a Praying Wife, and soon afterward, asked to teach a discipleship class alongside my husband.

Even when pastoral intervention began, my husband shifted the focus back onto me, saying I wasn’t forgiving enough.

For so long, I wondered if anyone would ever understand what was actually happening.

The Abuse Reached My Children

By then, the abuse wasn’t only affecting me.

My children lived in a home filled with tension, fear, and anger as their father’s control penetrated every aspect of our lives.

I could see the effects in their anxiety, fear, emotional dysregulation, stomachaches, headaches, disrupted sleep, behavioral changes, and distress. 

Over time, their father began involving them more and more in the abusive dynamics.

I began to understand that abuse doesn’t only harm a spouse.

It changes the emotional atmosphere of an entire home. It affects children’s sense of safety, their ability to trust, and their freedom to simply be children.

For years, I thought keeping my marriage together was how I should protect my children.

Eventually, protecting them meant finding a way for us to get out.

Then I Found Called to Peace Ministries

For the first time, someone understood.

My Called to Peace Ministries (CTPM) advocate helped me find words for what I was living through in my marriage—especially the coercive control and other forms of abuse that didn’t leave physical evidence.

She helped me learn how to communicate what I was experiencing to my pastors and family. Slowly, the people around me began to understand. Eventually, my pastors and family became some of the people who supported me when it was time to leave and seek a protective order.

CTPM helped bridge the gap between what I was experiencing privately and what the people around me needed to understand in order to help us get to safety.

But they didn’t stop there.

Through the generosity of donors, I was able to attend two Called to Peace’s Women’s Retreats.

The first time, I had to sneak away because I was still living in the abuse.

The second time, I was finally out.

Those retreats helped me understand Jesus’ heart for me in the middle of abuse, trauma, fear, and survival. I began to understand that Jesus was not asking me to remain in abuse to prove my faithfulness.

And Called to Peace met some very practical needs too.

During a season of severe financial abuse, they provided a gift card so I could buy Christmas gifts for my children. In a season when abuse had taken away so much of their security and normalcy, my children still got to experience the joy of Christmas.

Then came the moment when we needed to escape.

I didn’t have a reliable vehicle.

Called to Peace’s Emergency Fund helped me get a van so I could flee with my children.

They literally gave us the wheels we needed to to safety.

I knew my abuser might come after us. That van wasn’t simply financial assistance.

It was mobility. Protection. A way out.

Today, CTPM continues to support me with education and guidance as I navigate custody and continue fighting to protect my children.

They didn’t just give me information.

They walked with me.

Abuse Impacts Generations. Healing Does Too.

Called to Peace helped me move from confusion to clarity, from isolation to support, and from feeling spiritually condemned to understanding that Jesus was not asking me to stay in abuse to prove my faithfulness.

And that healing isn’t affecting only me.

My children experienced what abuse did to our family. They lived with fear, instability, and the effects of coercive control.

But now they are experiencing something else too.

They have a mother who can name abuse.

They have people surrounding their family who understand.

They have experienced practical care in moments when abuse tried to take away their security.

And they have a mother who chose safety—not only for herself, but for them.

Abuse reached beyond me and affected my children.

But so can healing.

Abuse impacts generations.

Healing does too.