By Jen L Pirkle, CTPM Development & Marketing Coordinator 

The minibus wound through the misty green hills of the Scottish Highlands as Juliet, our tour guide, shared stories of ancient clan wars, political intrigue, and family feuds. As we approached Loch Awe, she pointed to the ruins of Castle Kilchurn.

“That’s known as the unloved ruin,” she said.

The castle had once been a mighty fortress belonging to the powerful Campbell clan. But after it outlived its usefulness, it was abandoned to crumble. While other castles were lovingly restored by families or preserved by the government, Kilchurn was left to the wind, weather, and even locals who carried away stones to decorate their own properties.

I couldn’t stop thinking about those two words:

Unloved ruin.

They broke my heart.

I hadn’t traveled to Scotland just for the scenery. I had gone because I felt a little crumbly myself.

After years serving as a missionary in Kosovo—along with the challenges of cross-cultural ministry and living in high-conflict environments—I was exhausted in ways I didn’t yet understand.

Standing there, staring at that abandoned castle, I sensed the Lord whisper,

“You will never be an unloved ruin. You may feel like you’re crumbling, but I am in the construction business.”

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

Looking back, I realize I spent much of my life running on adrenaline. Burnout became a pattern, and after a decade overseas I was eventually diagnosed with CPTSD.

Sometimes I wonder if I had slowed down long enough to heal, would I have recognized the warning signs before entering an abusive relationship?

When I finally escaped, I felt exactly like that castle—physically, emotionally, and spiritually in ruins.

But God is the Master Rebuilder.

I grew up in a family filled with construction professionally. I got to see my Dad turn a burned out shell of a poured in place concrete ruin into a masterpiece of design and coziness. I am familiar with even living in a home “under construction”.

Our father and rebuilder never abandons a renovation because the project costs too much. He never loses interest because the house isn’t shiny anymore. He never decides a structure has outlived its usefulness.

We are still under construction.

We may not be at the dramatic HGTV “final reveal” yet, but our Builder hasn’t walked off the job.

In 2019 while still trapped in my abusive marriage, I began coordinating Habitat for Humanity’s REBUILD disaster recovery program after Hurricane Florence working with displaced Hurricane survivors as a displaced Hurricane survivor.

Many of my clients were “super seniors” in their late seventies and eighties. Living on fixed incomes, they had paid off homes but no more insurance and no way to repair the devastating damage.

I walked through homes with walls ripped open, mold spreading everywhere, holes where you could see the sky, and rooms that looked beyond saving.

Then I watched skilled builders & volunteers slowly restore them. Oftentimes they were safer and more beautiful than they started pre-Hurricaine.

Every time, I was reminded:

God specializes in rebuilding what others have written off.

During that time I also found the song “Rebuilder” by Carrollton. At the time I thought it was a beautiful reminder for my clients but what I didn’t know is that it would be a promise for what He would do in me and through me.

Paul understood what it meant to feel battered but not abandoned. He wrote both Philippians and 2 Corinthians while enduring tremendous suffering. Yet over and over he reminds us that God’s work isn’t hindered by our weakness—it shines through it.

“Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God himself. For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. We are in this struggle together. You have seen my struggle in the past, and you know that I am still in the midst of it.”

Philippians 1:28-30 NLT

 

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT

Many abuse survivors, like myself,  live with chronic health challenges because trauma affects our whole bodies. All abuse is physical abuse because of the toll it takes on your body.

The numbers bear this out: research shows that 81% of domestic violence survivors suffer from a long-term illness, compared to 62% of those without a history of abuse. *

There are days when I wonder if God can really use someone whose body refuses to cooperate.

Migraines send me into dark rooms. Chronic fatigue slows me down. CPTSD still leaves its fingerprints.

Those are the days the enemy whispers, “Just put yourself on the shelf.”

But Jesus never says that.

Years ago a missionary therapist challenged our entire team:

“Burnout isn’t a spiritual victory, even if ministry culture sometimes treats it like one. You all have a Messiah complex.  All Missionaries do. Lets let Jesus do His job and not kill ourselves trying to do his job for him.”

Those words have stayed with me.I am still learning the rhythms of rest instead of striving.

As a recovering people-pleaser, that has been a long lesson. But I am discovering that God doesn’t abandon me when my capacity is low. He knows exactly how much I can carry, and He is never disappointed when I come to Him needing rest.

“Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth!”

Psalms 116:7-9 NLT

 

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.””

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

 

Psalm 23:1-3  The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.  He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.He renews my strength.He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.

If you’re feeling a little crumbly today, don’t hide your broken places from the Master Renovator.

Sit with your Rebuilder. Rest beside the Shepherd.

He has never abandoned one of His construction projects.

You are not an unloved ruin.

He is not finished with you.

His strength still shines through fragile jars of clay.

 

• A landmark study titled “Exploring the Relationship between Domestic Violence and Chronic Health Conditions.” This research was conducted by GfK Custom Research on behalf of the Verizon Foundation and MORE Magazine. [1, 2] https://www.verizon.com/about/sites/default/files/Survey-Results-Domestic-Violence-%26-Chronic-Health.pdf