Written by Stephanie, edited by Lauren Rose
A Wilderness I Never Anticipated
September 8, 2017 thrust me into a wilderness I never anticipated. My husband was arrested for the sexual assault of a minor. When he left for prison, my four children and I entered our own cell of fear, shame, and confusion. This desert reality left me in a place of doubt, desperation, and defeat—a place where I found myself disappointed in the One I call Savior.
Hearing God in the Stillness
In the stillness after the chaos of court subsided, I began to hear God in a new way. In His embrace, I sat quietly and began to face not only my husband’s arrest, but years of confusion, manipulation, and pain—experiences I didn’t yet have language for but knew deep down weren’t right.
Years of Silent Struggles
For years, I had endured:
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Anxiety and stress that I couldn’t explain
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Repeated silent treatments that left me questioning my worth
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Manipulation that made me doubt my reality
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Shame in a marriage that robbed me of my voice and autonomy
I believed that my duty as a woman was silence and sacrifice. Somewhere along the way—through culture, faith teachings, and subtle conditioning—I had internalized the message that endurance and submission were holy, even at the cost of my well-being.
Discovering Called to Peace Ministries
But everything shifted to a deeper level of healing when I came across Called to Peace Ministries (CTPM) through a YouTube interview. That moment opened a door I didn’t even realize I had been waiting for. I was desperately searching for support, and what I found was a lifeline. As I cried out to God, I sensed that part of my healing required me to speak the truth out loud: what I had lived through was abuse. I needed a safe place to say it. I needed others to bear witness to it.
Speaking the Word “Abuse” for the First Time
That moment came in a CTPM support group. Trembling, I shared my story and said the word “abuse” for the very first time. Speaking it made it real—but it also made room for compassion. No one flinched. They understood. It was a sacred space where healing began.
Advocacy That Became a Lifeline
Through CTPM’s advocacy, I finally had someone walk with me who truly understood. My advocate became a lifeline—offering wisdom when I was drowning in confusion and overwhelmed by others’ opinions. Her insight and support were crucial during my time in court with my husband. Today, by God’s grace, I have custody of my children.
Healing in Community
At a CTPM Women’s Retreat, I stood among other women who knew the pain of abuse. As we lifted our voices in worship after a day filled with testimonies and teaching, I felt safe. I felt seen. I felt at home. It was the first time I could speak freely without judgment or shock.
Rebuilding with Tools and Peace
CTPM didn’t just help me survive. They gave me tools, language, and peace. They helped me explain my experience to my children, process my pain with clarity, and begin to rebuild. They reminded me that I wasn’t alone—and that God’s heart was never for me to suffer in silence.
Meeting God in the Wilderness
When I tumbled into the wilderness and lost myself completely, I was reintroduced to a Father I thought I already knew—one who whispered, “Now, my daughter, find yourself in Me.” That journey has been slow but sacred, somber yet also sweet.
Song of Solomon 8:5 asks, “Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?”
Eight years later, I want to shout: “It’s me!”
A Message to Women Still in the Wilderness
To the woman still in the wilderness, know this:
You are not alone. You are seen. You are loved. And there is abundant grace as you seek clarity, safety, and peace. Ministries like CTPM are here because of donors like you—people who make stories of redemption like mine possible.
Living Free Today
Today, my children and I live free. Not without struggles—but no longer bound by abuse.
God called me into the wilderness so that He could call me out of it.
And He used Called to Peace Ministries—and your generosity—to help lead me home.
