Understanding Destructive Relationships
Domestic violence is all about power and control. It is characterized by a pattern of abusive behaviors that are intended to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. It can be emotional, physical, sexual, economic, spiritual, or psychological, and can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone. If you constantly find yourself “walking on eggshells” in order to avoid upsetting your partner, you are likely in an abusive relationship.
When one person in the relationship clearly has more power than the other and consistently uses it to promote selfish interests, that’s a clear sign that the problem is far more than just a marital problem.
We believe one reason domestic abuse is so often mishandled and misunderstood is that it is often so covert. Most often, there is no physical injury at all. Victims describe themselves as anxious, confused, or depressed, but generally fail to identify what is truly happening in their relationships.
To identify whether or not a relationship is abusive, we need to look for an overall pattern of coercive control. Do you feel free to express yourself? Do you feel as if the relationship is one-sided and only your partner benefits from it? Do you often feel afraid of upsetting your partner? Abuse can be very subtle, but the bottom line is that it diminishes who you are and gives extreme power to your partner. *
*Taken from Called to Peace: Companion Workbook by Joy Forrest . Blue Ink Press. Kindle Edition.
Are you in a destructive relationship?
Is it Abuse?
The Power and Control Wheel is based on surveys from over 200 victims of abuse. It reflects their common experiences of abuse. Called to Peace Ministries finds this tool to be accurate to the experiences of the women we serve. Individuals affected by domestic abuse may experience many challenges, including: severe emotional distress and confusion, lack of effective counseling, and basic necessities, such as housing, employment, childcare and transportation. Many choose to stay in abusive situations simply because of these limitations.
Is a Restore group
right for me?
Called to Peace Ministries (CTPM) offers biblically- based Restore groups to those who have experienced abuse, trauma and intimate partner violence.
Do I need Advocacy Support?
Are you experiencing the impacts of domestic abuse and are fearful of how to proceed with the many issues you currently face (i.e., Court Challenges, Finances, Safety, Housing, Parenting Challenges, etc.)?
You may feel too overwhelmed to navigate these challenges alone. A CTPM-trained advocate can offer faith-based, confidential services to help you navigate these complex issues through community support and individual support. Advocates guide survivors through the intricate matters they face. They educate and equip survivors to find resources and tools to help them explore their options in order to achieve the best possible outcome. Advocates further serve survivors as mentors through active listening, offering support, education, and encouragement.
What does scripture say about abuse?
Using power and control to diminish others and to promote selfish interests stands in direct opposition to God’s heart for the weak, needy, and oppressed. Scripture uses the term oppression to describe such behavior and God clearly hates it (Is. 1:17, Ps. 147:7-9 Ex. 22:7).
He commanded his people not to “lord it over” others (Mt. 20:25-28,1 Pet. 5:3). The Bible is filled with passages on God’s heart for the oppressed. In the New Testament, the religious leaders who opposed Jesus and the disciples provide us with clear examples of the abusive mindset—prideful, entitled, self-righteous, and self-promoting. Their agenda was to have more power than Jesus, and they stopped at nothing to get it. The same is true of abusive people. Therefore, we should never underestimate the potential for danger, even if the control has not yet escalated to physical injury. We should also understand the multiple impacts of all forms of abuse.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we find that these abusive traits are the exact opposite of God’s definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13. We often ask those suffering in destructive relationships to read this passage, because it can also be a great way to help them determine whether their relationships are abusive. If you find yourself confused about what is happening in your relationship, you can take our quiz to learn more of the warning signs of abuse. Remember that God’s heart is for you, and he is calling you to peace (Ps. 56:9, 1 Cor. 7:15).
“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” – Psalms 82: 3-4 ESV